So you weren't nice, now what?

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Here I am with my little one!

Here I am with my little one!

Recently, I wasn’t so nice.  The experience has reminded me of how every single event in our lives is an opportunity to practice our tools so that we can further develop and evolve.

Six weeks ago, I had a C-section to deliver my first baby (he is long and thin, like both of his parents, and thus was in the breech position).  The entire experience was incredible, and I will share soon how incredibly blessed I have felt.  Now, the days recovering in the hospital afterwards were a bit “tricky”.  We were moved from our room 3 times in 5 days.  Though a C-section is one of the most common operations in the world, it is still major abdominal surgery; the first couple of days of recovery are tough.  It is also non-stop.  The nurses come in to the room almost every 2 hours to either deliver medication, take you and the newborn’s vitals, or do some other activity.  Yes, even throughout the night.  By day 4 I was exhausted, and it was getting harder and harder for me to be nice to people.  I was being short and impatient; blunt with my deliver and sharp with my choices of words.  After one interaction, my husband turned around to me and flat out told me to start being nice and stop being mean.  I felt terrible.

So these things happen in life.  Now what?  There’s actually an incredible gift in these situations.  They are an opportunity to practice the work.  So here’s what to do the next time you find yourself in a similar situation:

  1. Acknowledge you weren't nice.  This is an internal acknowledgment.  You have to truly own and belief for yourself that you weren’t nice.  Don't dismiss your actions and/or try to justify them! Truly realize that there were better ways to handle the situation and there are actually people out there that would have handled it in a much better way. 
  2. Ask for forgiveness to whatever higher power you believe in.  This is one of the most alleviating things you can do.  Just mentally saying to this higher power “I am sorry for my actions, I wish I had acted differently. Please forgive me” releases you.
  3. Brainstorm scenarios as to how you would have done things differently.  The point here is to make sure you learn something from this situation, and don’t end up just shrugging your shoulders and moving on.  Now that is a waste. 
  4. Apologize to the other party if you can.  Sometimes it’s not possible (maybe you were mean to an attendant you will probably never see again) but try your hardest to apologize if you can.  You might want to share how you wish you had done things differently (step #3 above), as this could result in a great learning opportunity for all parties). 
  5. Start making different choices today.  Whatever the situation was, I am certain it will come up again in a different setting, with different people.  Take your learnings from step #3 and start making different choices TODAY. 
  6. Forgive yourself. This is a big one (I wrote about this a while back).  Remember how I said I felt terrible?  Well I have the tendency of beating myself up over these things.  I can spend days (if not much, much longer) feeling terrible, flinching every time I remember the situation.  We have to forgive ourselves.  What does forgiveness mean?  Accepting that we cannot change the past.  Then move on and make different choices, because when you know better you do better.

I would love to hear from you, so please leave a comment below.  If you enjoyed this post, share it with your friends and family!

Lots of love,